Yes, he has gone quiet. Is he sulking? Is he angry? Did I step on his toes? All of the above...?Well. I've thought about it all, about every possibility, and I could always rush in there and apologise for feeling the way I do, for writing what I did. But are my feelings not valid? Do I really have to apologise? Is that what is expected? I did ask for something a little more substantial than mere diary lists of his day or week, so I'm somehow inclined to think that he is not really helping the process of getting to know us or letting us get to know him. After two years I know him no better than after that first phone call.
So.
What does he want?
3 comments:
Poor man. I hope he has some support on his end (adoption support groups, reading, whatever).
Dont know what you wrote or said but can offer the same that I am told. Just send him a brief holiday wish or something when the time is right. Let him know the door is still open. He probably feels it is closed and that has him felt feeling all abandoned and confused again.
Very tough to see the other persons side when we are so deep in our own.
Wishing you both the best.
Suz; thanks. That makes sense. I'll do that.
Generalizing wildly, the adoptee might overtly (or subtly) define their life as "not wanted from the very beginning."
Trying to successfully join into that series of spinning plates that is their birth family might seem like a foolish task. The adoptee has spent their life without a family, and it's certainly easier to just go back to being that way. It was the norm. Having people that you're related to is the weird thing.
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