Phase II?

I've spent a little time reading adoptee and birth-mother blogs. And as always with blogging the Americans are way ahead of the rest of the world. I haven't actually found anyone writing from my viewpoint, so I've been cruising the other viewpoints. But with my previous post in mind, my wish to just go into hiding and forget all about my brother, I have to admit that when I came across this post, I knew that turning my back was simply not an option. And how could I possibly anyway? I was the first one to open up and say 'come in!' and 'this is not a big deal'. It's only now, nearly two years down the line, that I crumble and don't find it ok at all. I've been so busy prodding everybody else in the right direction I haven't had the chance to deal with my own feelings.

So now it's crumble time and behaving badly time and not being a very nice person time just to create a little thinking space. Still with me after that sentence?

So in spite of ULB's post being one helluva heartbreaking cry for help itself, I posted my own cry for help in her comments section -- and she sent me the nicest reply with some really good advice and I suddenly felt much less alone! Even though she and I come from totally different directions.

I sent A an e-mail. I explained how I felt about the labelling. I explained that there was quite a big difference between him and us in that he has known most of his life that he was adopted, whereas for me and B he arrived with a bit of a thud not that long ago and we've not really had a lot of time to digest and adapt. And I told him a little more about dad's reaction (not all!) and how concerned I had been about that.

And I asked for a little distance. A little distance as one grants people one has never met. A little time to even out the difference between 2 and 50.

It is not what he wants. He has waited long enough. But I've asked him to tell me about his childhood, especially as an adoptee, in return (rather than constantly regurgitate the mundane lawn mowing, beers and sunsets -- which of course I did not say!!).

I'll let you know if he ever replies.