So I asked my dad if I could refer to A in my main blog. Nothing special, just casually as I generally refer to people. Not making a big deal out of it, just, you know, "got an e-mail from my brother this morning. He said nothing new, but it was nice to hear from him." That sort of stuff.My question was met with a long silence, and then the answer I expected. No. He had been hoping that his mistake, his biggest mistake in life, could go to the grave with him. That his shame would not be held up for public scrutiny.
His shame. His mistake. That is what A is to him. And because I love my dad so much my heart could break I accept this. Even if A would never want to be seen as someone's shame, as another man's mistake. I have no wish to burden A with being dad's shame. But how can I not?
1 comment:
Ugh. This is awful on so many levels.
Why do you as an adult have to take your fathers shame? Thats what it appears to be. His is pulling you into his shame and asking you to stand there with him. How aful for you as a the sister, the middle person, the one that had nothign to do with this but probably loves them both.
Is your fathers mistake his son or the way he handled (or did not handle) the sons birth? Not sure what is the mistake there. I would hope it was the fact that he let his son be adopted?
And finally, ultimately, how awful for your brother.
Makes me glad I am hardcore about honesty as much as it gets me into trouble.
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