Attention span of a gnat

I haven't read Suz' blog Writing My Wrongs in a while. Then I thought -- wonder how she's doing? and found this. And then I thought. Which is unusual these days as I'm really tired of thinking and would just like to sleep and finish with these damned anti depressants and... Didn't I tell you? I'm on anti depressants. Have been for over a year because of my separation and impending divorce. Even as the one who initiated it it's friggin' hellish. But at least now I've reached a stage where I can start cutting down on the pills and hopefully get off them completely at some point.

I've been on half dose for a week and -- it's shitty.

Now what was I saying...

That's another thing. Concentration is something I only know how to spell. My attention span is that of a gnat. The neurons in my brain are partying without permission, and even without offering me a single tequila.

But. This was going to be about A and the state of things now. And all because I read Suz' post.

Now, where was I. A. Quite. A.

All is seemingly hunky dory and wonderful and oh-what-a successful-reunion-and-how-normal-everything-is. And it is. It's great. A and we write to each other regularly. His wife is on Facebook and is one of my friends there. His son is also one of my friends there.

A and dad also correspond regularly. Birthdays, Christmas, news -- that sort of stuff. He has less contact with B, but I put it down to her generally not replying to e-mails whether he is the sender or I am. He wondered if it had something to do with him but I was able to set his mind at ease on that point.

So that's all great, right?

But what had me thinking is this connection with his wife and son on Facebook. Well, I might accidentally wish A's son a happy b-day saying 'Happy birthday, nephew!', or refer to wife as sister-in-law -- and then there would be questions. Would that be so terrible? No. Not at all. But I'm still being protective of dad who, in spite of regular contact and a seemingly normal relationship with A still will not officially refer to him as his son. Only within the family. Where he seems relieved to be able to do so, even revelling in saying things like 'I received this e-mail from my son...' before launching into retelling of the contents.

And you know what? I think that if he did that in 'polite society, when together with all those people he is so scared will point a finger and generally find his 'mistake hugely entertaining, I'm convinced there would be no laughter and any Schadenfreude would quickly vanish.

It's so much easier for me who live in another country, though. I already refer to A as brother rather than half-brother, everybody knows the story and the news value is long gone. I'm afraid I might just accidentally let slip while visiting, though. Am going there on holiday in a few weeks and I know how much I babble and little I think and... There is a small disaster hidden somewhere in the chaos of my brain. Though of course it may take the attention away from my own mistakes. Divorce and such. Right? Right.