Well, brother and I started exchanging e-mails. I sent him one with a pdf attachment (how typically digital age) outlining the family tree and such standard facts, a little about dad's life and of course a little about me and sister.Got an e-mail back stating that he was far more interested in me and sister than dad. Which I found strange, but perhaps that is normal? I don't have much experience in this department. Then e-mail after e-mail followed, and I seemed to have more contact with him than with my own -- sorry -- uhm, with my sister and parents. We kind of know that we're here and there and don't have such a strong need to communicate. I got a feeling he was trying to make up for lost years, all 50 of them, and must admit I ran out of things to say. He sent a lot of late-night e-mails telling me about -- having a beer, or watching the sunset and such.
I didn't always answer. Just didn't know what to say after a while. There's only so much to say after a bog-standard day.
He complained that sister never answered his e-mails. All I could tell him was that she never really does with any of us. Not really worth getting upset about. She's still there, if you know what I mean. That's what having siblings is about. They're there, somewhere. But because you don't marry them, at least not if you know what you're doing, you only have contact when you have to. You get together for Christmas to remind yourself why you left home. And then you swear to never ever go home again. That sort of thing.
You know, my sister doesn't normally call me on my birthday, nor I her. But he did. And I still couldn't understand what he was saying; kept having to ask him to repeat. And he opened the conversation saying 'hi! It's your brother' which had me completely baffled for a moment.
After a few weeks my mum called. Her report was short and to the point. "C -- you have to talk to him. He's stuck his head firmly into the sand again. He's depressed. And he won't talk about it at all." My poor dad. My heart broke. We may not be good a birthdays, but we carry our hearts on our sleeves.
2 comments:
Thanks so much for writing this blog. It is great to hear from your perspective on this! I am an adoptee in reunion, with 2 half-brothers.
Thanks for your comment! I hope your reunion experience is a good one. I don't know if they're older or younger, but I suggest you use their names rather than their 'titles' when addressing them -- it's the one thing that annoys me the most these days, the constant referral to 'little sister'. And I still haven't worked up the courage to ask him to use my name instead, to stop trying to establish some sort of hierarchy... Ho hum.
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